Thor and the Midgard Objects
by AnuhdahPerson
Summary: Thor has been banished and sent to Earth to learn humiliation. So how's he managing with Earth's surprises? Rated K but will have some references to watch out for (no swearing, I promise).
1. Thor and the Supermarket Trip

**_One shot fanfic! Wait, one shot fanfics mean you don't edit anything except for misspelled words or autocorrected words, right?_**

 ** _Anyway, the story is pretty much one of those What If? stories based off the movie Thor. Or rather, it's a detailed version of the consequences when Thor eats everything and Jane has to go shopping. Okay, now I just made it sound boring..._**

 ** _So tell me what you think and all and the usual stuff and blab. And I'll stop typing this short speech._**

* * *

 ** _New Blab: Hey Y'all! Had so much fun writing the first chapter I decided to go for another round! So this won't be a one shot (or whatever) anymore but rather a little book full of Thor shorts! _**

**_Also, the title's changed from Thor and the Supermarket Trip to Thor and the Midgard Objects. I know, not big difference but the other one didn't fit with the second chapter. So yeah, I'll shut up again and all._**

 ** _Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, the pic for the cover for this story or the word Superhero._**

* * *

Jane Foster opened the fridge and rummaged through it before slamming the door shut. "Darcy! Where is all the toast jelly?!"

"It's not my fault!" Cried Darcy Lewis. "Blame Erik!"

Their friend, Erik Selvig, lazily peered over his newspaper. "Jane, the fridge has been raided. Not only is the jelly gone but so is all the lunch meat and the chicken and the cobbler you made and the fruit. Not to mention Darcy's pop tarts."

"What?!" Wailed Darcy. "I spent five dollars on that jumbo box! And it was on sale!"

Suddenly the team heard loud thumping. They turned their attention to the tall blonde haired man trotting down the stairs. In one hand was a half-empty jar of jelly; in the other, the dish Jane had used to bake her cobbler in. "Did someone mention pop tarts?"

"Thor! It was you who ate all the food!" Darcy shouted, leaping to her feet and pointing an accusing finger at him.

The God of Thunder placed the dish on the table before sticking his finger into the jelly jar. "I mean no disrespect," he said calmly popping his jellied finger into his mouth.

Jane groaned. "Well I'll just have to go shopping again." She sat down to eat her toast. "Since there's no butter either," she added.

"The yellow stick was very greasy yet addicting," Thor said as he made a popping sound with his finger.

"Can I come?" Asked Darcy. "I'll buy my own foods."

"Yes you can come except I'll pay for the food. Erik, can you stay here with Thor?"

"Sorry," said the scientist. "I have a meeting this morning. I'm sure Thor could use a little 'marketing lesson'." At the mention of his name, Thor's grin widened. He licked the jelly off his finger. Then he wriggled two fingers into the jar.

Jane's eyes widened at the sight of this. "What are you doing? You won't be able to get them out!"

"I want more." Thor suddenly realized he couldn't pull them out. Jane shot Darcy the he-should-have-listened look before making a motion to help Thor. "I can do it!" He snapped. "It's a minor flaw. Just need to pull…harder…" As if on cue, the jar smashed in his hand and jelly oozed everywhere. Happily, Thor licked all the jelly off his hands before bending down and wiping more off the ground. Which he lapped off his fingers as well. Erik sighed and left. Darcy made a puking sound.

"Thor, we'll get more jelly. Come with us to the supermarket. And just do as I say." Said Jane.  
Thor bowed his head. "You have my word." He continued to clean his hands with his tongue as the trio piled into Jane's car. Just prior to taking off, Jane made sure no one would randomly walk behind the van.

* * *

Twenty-seven miles later, Jane, Darcy and Thor clambered out of the car and into the Super Target. Jane grabbed a cart from the rack only to see Darcy gawking at Thor. The thunderer was fascinated by the sliding doors and was walking through them, a huge smile spread on his lips.

"Thor! Come on!" Urged Jane. Reluctantly, Thor gave up his fun with the automatic doors.

Jane almost regretted she didn't have a leash on Thor. In less then a minute he was lost in the store. When the women found him he was pulling canned soups off the shelf and staking them in the middle of the aisle.

"Cuh-reepy!" Hissed Darcy.

With a loud sigh, Jane went to get Thor's attention. "Hey big guy!" He looked up. "Can you put those back?"

"And why should I proceed to do that when I am enthralled to discover these cans stack so easily. They are like the blocks Loki and I played with when we were young."  
Darcy howled with laughter. "Why?" Cried Jane. "Because you gave me your word that you would do as I say!" Thor nodded and put the cans back. Then he followed Jane and Darcy.

But being the god he was, he lost focus again and tried to bend a price scanner's light. If she could, Jane would have made smoke come out of her ears. Maybe he needed something to do. "Thor, can you push the cart for me?"

Thor watched as the thing he was pushing filled up with food. So when the women went to collect some fruit he couldn't help but wonder what chocolate pretzels were.

Darcy was the first one back to the cart. She turned the corner to the aisle and screamed. "Thor! No! Bad dog-I mean, don't do that!" Thor swallowed the pretzel and stared at Darcy.

"Forgive me," he said sheepishly. "I did not know it would upset you."

"We need to pay for this before you can eat it! And you could have opened the bag from the top, not tear open the entire side!"

Thor blinked. He examined the bag before resuming to his eating. "Um hungwy," he announced through a full mouth.

"Well help me clean this mess up before Jane sees it." Darcy scrambled around piling the pretzels scattered in the cart. She soon realized Thor wasn't helping and turned to ask him when she saw her pile was gone.

When Jane came back Thor was smiling and eating chocolate pretzels and Darcy cleaning up the rest of the mess. At this point, Jane would have loved to scream at the top of her lungs at Thor but she resisted the best she could. Instead she took the cart from him.

Every square meter was a disaster. Thor got into anything he could. Jane tried to keep her cool but soon she was gripping the cart handle bar as though she intended to crush it. Darcy was racing after Thor trying to keep things in order. Anything he rearranged she would rearrange back.

Then they passed an aisle with pop tarts. And, of course, it was Thor who first saw them. He skimmed down the aisle and grabbed a box. Then he snatched another.

And another.

And another.

And another.

And another.

"Thor, stop!" Shouted Jane. "Two boxes are good!"

"How do you suppose I keep my stomach at its best?" Thor said, still as happy as he was since he entered Super Target.

"By not puking."

"Darcy!" Snapped Jane. "You aren't making things any better- THOR!" The cart had just been loaded with two of everything on that aisle. Except the six jumbo boxes of pop tarts. Jane balled up her fists. "That's it. We're leaving. But first, you need to put back everything you just put in, Thor. Except the pop tarts."

Thor scooped up the extra food and put it back. Then the trio headed for the checkout. Except they were stopped again by - you get the idea.

"Why are there so many Mjölnirs?" Complained Thor. He stared at the toy hammers lined along the Marvel merchandise row. "And what is this madness?!" He picked up an action figure pack with Iron Man, Black Widow, Hawkeye and Thor. "Who cloned and shrank me!? I must free me from this terrible prison!" Before he could do anything Darcy dove past him and swiped the box. She put it back on the shelf.

"You. Listen. To. Jane. Or. Else. She. Sends. You. To prison," gasped the girl.

"But-"

"No more buts!"

They made their way to the checkout. Thor actually obeyed on the way even though he couldn't understand why there were so many of the same clothes. Both women snagged one of his arms and dragged him right past it.

"Self checkout or assisted?" Asked Darcy.

"Assisted," Jane replied without thinking. She angled the cart to face the checkout. Thor watched bug-eyed at the rolling carpet on the short table. He gawked at the man in front of them placing food on the carpet, which rode down to a woman who dragged it across a metal plate and placed it in a bag.

That gave Jane and Darcy some time to relax. When it was their turn, Jane asked Thor if he could put the food on the conveyor belt. "A what?"

Darcy answered his question. "Conveyor belt. You know. The moving thing."

"I prefer to call it a moving carpet."

"Whatever. Put the food on the carpet."

The cashier blinked stupidly at the sight of Thor. She turned to Jane and asked "How does he not know how to put food on the conveyor belt?"

"He's a little clueless."

The cashier nodded and began scanning the food. "You have a lot of pop tarts. Having a party?" Jane just nodded. She bagged the food for the cashier and Darcy put it back in the cart. And Thor? He finished placing all the unbagged food on the conveyor belt and started pulling out bagged food and plopping it back on the belt.

"Whoa whoa whoa Thor, no!" Shouted Darcy. "Okay, listen up. Anything in bags doesn't go back on."

"Then there is nothing left."

Darcy looked uselessly at Jane. Her comrade face palmed before calling Thor up the electronic pay pad. She slipped her credit card along the card scanner. Thor became overly excited at the little *click* it made. Jane handed him an attached pen. "Sign your name or any name here," instructed she.

Thor scrawled:  
Thor Odinson; God of Thund-

"Why is this thing so small?" Whined Thor.

"That's good!" Jane shouted. She yanked the pen out of his hand and used it to confirm he payment. Then she was handed her receipt, thanked the cashier and ushered Thor and Darcy out of Super Target.

Back at the van, Jane told Thor to put the bags in the car. She supervised him like he was a small child. When he was done Darcy rolled the cart to the cart corral. The two bounded into the van before realizing Thor wasn't in it. "Oh no!" Moaned Jane.

Meanwhile Thor had slipped back into Super Target and was standing at one of the closed checkout counters in front of the electronic pay pad. He had Jane's credit card and was sliding it back and forth along the card scanner. He smiled at the clicking sound it made and continued doing it, unaware of the thousands of eyes focused on him.

His fun ended when Jane dragged him out. "I'll take that." She slid her credit card from his fingers and pulled him to the van. He climbed in and Jane shut the door hard.

Before she took off Jane turned to Darcy. "Darcy. Pull out one of the strawberry jams and give it to our friend." Darcy didn't hesitate.

And so for the next twenty-seven miles, Thor ate the strawberry jam, Jane drove, and Darcy listened to her iPod.

When they got back the rental home, Jane and Darcy began to unpack. But first, Jane handed Thor five pop tart boxes.

"Was there not six?" Thor asked.

"One is for the rest of us," Jane growled stoutly. Thor nodded and headed up the stairs to his room while ripping open a pop tart box and grinning.

Just them Erik walked in. "You guys are back this late? How much time did you spend at the supermarket?" He received hard glares from the other two scientist. "Okay, sorry for even mentioning anything. By the way, when did we start eating Eggos?"

"WHAT?!" Screeched Jane. She scrambled through the bags and noticed there was all kinds of foods she would never buy. Now there was real smoke coming out of her ears.

 _ **"THHOOOORRR!"**_

* * *

 _ **Just a little random fanfic while I think about longer story. It was midnight when I wrote this and so my joking side wasn't at its best so let me know if I over did it or if it wasn't even funny (which would be sad).**_


	2. Thor and the Computer

_**I don't own Marvel or the picture for the cover or the word superhero.**_

Jane tapped the little black squares with letters on them. She typed out a document on her hypothesis for the wormhole occurrence that happened the same day Thor arrived. However her legs were feeling restless and she decided to take a walk. She saved her work and closed out the document. Then she got up and walked outside. She had no idea where Thor was or she would have asked him along too. Darcy was at a college test somewhere in New Mexico and Erik was who-the-heck-knows-where.

And that's when Thor finished his tour of the town. He entered the little house. "Jane? Darcy? Erik? Anyone home?" No reply. Confused, Thor wandered around the house, searching for his friends. He almost expected them to jump out and surprise him. Either that or they wanted to play hide-and-go-seek.

A little 'bling!' caught Thor's attention. He turned to face the weird open book like thing on the table. He had seen Jane use it before. Curious, Thor walked over to it. In the corner of the screen was a little sign saying 'New Message from nickfurybadass at damnyoushieldfortakingmystuff'. Thor blinked. What trickery was this?

Thor levitated the mouse (yes, Jane has a mouse for her computer (no, she doesn't have a '07 computer)) and turned it over. There was a little red light that shined right into his eyes despite having a sticker pasted right on the bottom 'DO NOT SHINE LASER IN EYES!'

"You dare threaten the son of Odin?!" Roared the Former Thunderer. He dropped the mouse and it rolled on the floor, making the cursor move around.

Realizing he could move the little arrow around with the bulky laser thing, Thor slid it across the table. The cursor moved in the same direction until it hit the edge of the screen. So Thor changed direction.

Now in full control of the pointer, Thor learned to click. Well actually, he put too much pressure through his fingers and the front of the mouse gave way, make a fun Click!, and on the screen appeared a list of options. Delighted, Thor pushed the mouse buttons and his grin for bigger and bigger each time the mouse made the Click! sound.

He clicked on something that lead him to the pass code login. Great. Loki was the expert at guessing pass codes, not him. He clicked on the 'Enter' button. A little message popped up saying 'Try Again!' So he tried clicking again. Yet again the same message showed up. Angry, Thor smashed his fists against the keyboard, creating little dots on the screen. He clicked the enter button again. And the same message popped up. This time, it came with another message saying 'Hint: Egg Barn'.  
Thor stared at the keyboard. Did they make little dots? Was that the answer? Stabbing the keys he typed:

"Chicken"

And the screen opened. "Hooray!" Cheered Thor. Then his jaw dropped. On the screen behind all the little pictures was a big picture of a robot. He was all grey except his piercing red eyes. Above his head were the words Ultron Prime.  
Rubbing his forehead as though he was recovering from a headache, Thor began clicking on the little pictures. One of them opened up something called Google, another was called PowerPoint, a third turned out to be some sort of list maker, fourth was Word, and fifth was MSN. Thor began clicking random things, everything the mouse could roll over.  
He soon learned that he could type into the long rectangle at the top of screening Google. Thor typed his name. What appeared in front of him made his eyes bulge.

Thor (2011); Directed by Kenneth Branagh. Chris Hemsworth, Natalie…

Thor is a fictional superhero from the Marvel comics. He is…

Thor: Norse Mythology: Thor is the God of the Lightning and first son…

Norse Mythology: Thor: The second strongest God in Norse mytholo…

Thor: The God of Lightning. He lives in Asgard and is the step-brother of…

Enraged, Thor smashed the mouse. Somehow, it didn't break (which was incredible, considering who was using it). He selected the little red X in the upper right corner and the page disappeared. Now Thor was stunned. Magic!  
He went to PowerPoint. It took him a minute to figure out what it was for but when he did he began to pound at the letter keys and typed;

i am thor odinsin odinson i am the god of lightning and the thing called googel thinks i am fixtional fictional i will prove them wrong for asfart asgard this midgard thing is very intriguing it allows me to wriye write without a pen it doe does not have a piece of bread I could use to fic fix my mistakez mistakes

If he knew his to capitalize, backspace and add punctuation, his paragraph might have made more sense. Thor clicked on the screen, opening Jane's document theories. He clicked on a word twice, causing it to light up in blue. Lips forming and moon crescent and teeth showing, he replace the word with an 'L'. Then he did that to the rest of the document. It became much easier when he learned to select a whole passage. He replace the whole document with three words: I am Thor.

Then he clicked the red X. He was asked if he wanted to save the changes, don't save, or cancel. Thor pressed a random button without really paying attention.  
The list maker was useless. He pretty much destroyed all of Jane's checkbook records and replaced them with '9 realms'.

He closed out Word by accident but he didn't notice. Now the only open tab left was MSN. But first, he checks out the little box that said 'New Message from nickfurybadass at damnyoushieldfortakingmystuff'. It said:

Jane Foster,  
S.H.I.E.L.D thanks you for your cooperation with your research. When we  
reveal more secrets about this alien occurrence we will notify you and give  
credit for your actions. We hope you consider joining the S.H.I.E.L.D  
scientist legion. You would fit in quiet easily.  
Best Regards,  
Nick Fury and the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

'What nonsense,' thought Thor. He closed out the browser and turned his attention to MSN.

There was a lot of stuff on the screen that said all sorts of things happening in the Midgard realm. Yet Thor was moe interest in the flashing sidebar thing. He clicked on it. It popped up some sort of sign that said Run or Cancel. Thor hit run.

The computer began acting weird. It kept magically showing messages of other things like Google and Bing. Frustrated that it wouldn't let him do anything, Thor smashed the keyboard. Keys flew everywhere. He decided he had enough of the Midgard thing. As quickly as he could he grabbed a box of pop tarts and ran out the door. Jane would never know he had been there.

No sooner was he out the door when Jane returned. She was surprised by how quiet it was in the house. Did Thor run away again? Maybe she should hop into her van and back it up. Then her eyes fell onto the table. "WHAT THE?!" Jane ran over and gasped when she saw the wrecked keyboard. "What happened here? Darcy! Did you do this!?"  
She managed to get inside the computer. There was a virus on it. Pop-up ads blared all over the screen. Frantically Jane worked to get some of her most important files copied and sent to herself just so she wouldn't loose them when trying to free the computer from the virus.

She opened her document. Then she screamed. On the document shined the three words 'I am Thor'.

"This can't be happening! All my work!" Wailed the scientist. Fighting the ads, she checked her computer history. "He searched himself up?! That couldn't have ended well. MY CHECKBOOK!? _**MY EMAIL!?**_ " When she saw what happened in the checkbook and the letter she received in her mail, Jane let out a scream that could be heard across the little town in New Mexico.

 _ **"THHOOOORRR!"**_

Thor heard her scream. He began to run. Better get out of the town before he was caught. He wondered if she read his message. He also wondered what she thought of his rearranging on her list maker.

* * *

Darcy and Erik returned home at the same time. They found Jane pacing the room and cursing at the top of lungs. Both saw what happened to the computer.  
Darcy turned to Erik. "Shawarma?" She asked.  
"Right behind you," replied Erik.

 _ **Hehehe Thor the Destroyer. And yet again, I am terrible at writing formal stuff for Marvel characters.**_

 _ **What should Thor get into next? Or how should he drive Jane crazy?**_


	3. Thor and the Swimming Lesson

_**Happy Independence Day for the U.S.A! Okay, I'm done. Read on.**_

* * *

"Are we there yet?!" Whined Darcy.

"Shut up, Darcy! You asked that five minutes ago!" Snapped Jane.

"Six more miles," Erik responded truthfully.

"Fine… where's my iPod? Jane are you sitting on it?"

"Sitting on it?! I can't even touch your iPod without you freaking out!" Jane shoved Darcy. Darcy shoved her back. Erik sighed. He glanced over to the passenger's seat where the Norse God sat. A thin rectangle was in his hand attached to his ears by two cords. Thor was listening to Darcy's iPod and enjoying it.

Earlier that morning the scientist were suggesting things to do for the day since no one had any special meetings. Thor said they could have a pop tart eating contest but only he was in favor of that. It was Jane who proposed swimming. There was a creek 30-something miles away from their little town. The creek was very calm and had a natural pool attached to it along with a rock a few feet up to jump off. Thor admitted he didn't know how to swim. The decision was made; they would go swimming.

And now, here they were. Erik driving, Thor listening to the iPod, and Jane and Darcy shouting at each other in the back.

"Women," muttered Erik so Thor could hear.

Thor grinned. In truth, he hadn't heard Erik. A song called _DJ's Got Us Falling In Love_ was blasting in his ears.

Some fifteen minutes later they arrived at the spot. Since her door was stuck permanently, Darcy knocked Jane out of the van and bolted to the water. "Freeeddoooooomm!" She yanked off the clothes covering her bathing suit and jumped in.

Erik copied Darcy at a slower pace. Meanwhile Jane prepped Thor.

"Just take your shirt off and we can go."

Thor didn't. "Lady Jane, you know I can't swim."

"We're going to teach you!"

"I have no desire to learn to swim."

"Thor, it's so much fun! Please please please pretty please with a Bifrost on top?" The stripped-of-powers man thought about it. Jane kept begging and Thor kept resisting. But finally he gave in.

"Great! Now since you refused to wear a garment called a bathing suit you can just swim in the shorts you have on. I'm sure you'll be fine. Take off your shirt." This time Thor obeyed. "Awesome. Follow me!" Commanded Jane.

She lead Thor to the top of the rock and positioned him at the very edge. Darcy and Erik made their way up to the others. "I thought I told you I cannot swim!" Complained Thor.

Jane sighed. "Yeah, I know. This is how you learn."

Darcy stared at Thor. "We're gonna need a Thor-a-Pult or a Hulk."

"Never really thought this one through," admitted Erik.

Thor backed away from the edge of the rock. "I am not going off." He began to leave but Jane stopped him.

"Thor please!"

"Forgive me, Jane, but I do not wish to learn to swim."

Suddenly Darcy squealed. "I just remembered I have long bungee cords in the back of the van!"

A few minutes later Thor was death-gripping the edge of the rock with his toes. Behind him was a wood board which, conveniently, had a hole on each end. The board was attached to the bungee cords wrapped around nearby trees. Tied around the center of the board was a rope and at the end of the rope were the three scientist.

Thor was still protesting against having to swim. Meanwhile Erik grunted "One…two…three!" The rope was released, the bungee cords contracted, and the board slapped into Thor's back. He shot off the rock and into the water, screaming.

Right after that, Jane and Erik dove after him. They waited a little before reaching down and snagging one of Thor's arms. Darcy joined and helped Thor get his head above the water. He came up sputtering and spewing water out.

"Next time, keep your mouth closed," she advised. They helped Thor to shore. That was followed by dragging him back up the rock.

"I don't wanna go again!" Wailed Thor. "That wasn't delightful!" He stopped himself inches away from the edge of the rock. Jane threw herself against his body but he refused to budge. Meanwhile Erik and Darcy pulled the board back as far as they could. When Erik shouted "Three!" Jane dropped to the ground and Thor went flying. Again he screamed. Again his lungs filled with water. And yet again, the scientists had to help him.

The same scenario repeated itself some number of times. The trio switched off who got to push against Thor and keep him in place and Thor kept, shrieking, sinking and drinking the water.

Finally the failing four were exhausted. They collapsed on the riverbanks, panting. Except Thor who was still choking.

Erik and Jane tried to come up with a better way to work the slingshot. The pulling was exhausting. "We could hook it up to the van," suggested Jane.

"Maybe…" answered her comrade. They searched the van for better ways. In the end, they roped a lead bar to the free end of the rope.

"Let's test to see if it works." Said Jane. She popped open the trunk and set the bar halfway down the hitch. She sat in the trunk of the van and gently placed her feet on top of the bar. Erik turned the car on and slowly drove it forward. The Thor-a-Pult followed. When he had pulled it far enough he yelled at Jane. She placed her heels under the bar and pushed up. The bar snapped free and everything worked exactly how it should.

"We are so smart," beamed Erik.

The two returned to where they left Darcy and Thor. To their surprise, both were standing in waist deep water. Well it was sort of above-knee water for Thor.

"Wanna try again, Thor?" Chimed Jane.

"No," Thor answered quickly. "I dislike swimming."

"Awww, it's fun! See?" Darcy sprang deeper into the water and swam across the river. She climbed out on the opposite bank. "Try!"

Thor hesitated. "No." He shook his head. "Not unless you show me why you enjoy pelting me from the top of the rock."

"It's how you learn to swim!" Darcy made her way back over. "Watch." She, Jane and Erik scaled the rock. Then Jane and Erik picked up Darcy and began swinging her. Once they had enough momentum they threw her off. Darcy hit the water. Thor cried out. He watched the water, his body tense. Then she reappeared and Thor relaxed.

"Unfortunately we can't pick you up so that's why we have to catapult you," explained Jane.

Darcy cleared her throat. "Correction; Thor-a-Pult."

Thor grumbled. "Fine. One more time."

"Awesome!" The youngest scientist squawked. "Oh and by the way, Thor. When you are flung off the rock don't scream. Keep you mouth shut. And when you hit the water kick and flail around. Don't just be still."

Thor got back on top of the rock. Erik quickly explained how the catapult worked now. He went into the water just in case Thor needed help. Darcy clambered in the back of the van and Jane got the wheel.

Thor was tossed again. He kept his mouth shut and slammed into the water. Darcy and Jane hopped out of the car and ran to assist their friend. When they got there Erik was half-supporting Thor and Thor was flinging his limbs everywhere. Yet a different look was etched upon the Thunderer's face.

"I did it!" He crowed. "I swam!" He found solid ground and skipped out of the water.

"Hooray!" Cheered the women. "Nice job, Thor. You're a fast learner."

Thor immediately wanted to do it again. So everything was reset and he was knocked off the rock again.

By midday Thor was jumping off the rock with Darcy and Jane and Erik were dead. Supporting Thor wasn't easy. But at least he was able to keep his head above the water for a short time.

"It's nearly lunch time! I'm starving!" Gasped Jane.

"Okay…there's a nearby restaurant. We can go there," wheezed Erik.

"I like swimming!" Shouted Thor. "I do not wish to leave yet!"

Darcy joined Thor on top of the rock. "Watch this. **_CANNONBALL!_** " She curled up in a ball and sent a rainstorm of water in the air.

Thor screeched happily. He copied Darcy. Only the results didn't end in the same way. Instead, a tidal wave displaced all the water onto Jane and Erik. Jane grumbled some cuss words.

Whoever's idea it was to do sync cannonballs was sure dumb (according to the gulping-for-air Foster and Selvig). If it wasn't constantly refilling itself, the creek would have lost all its water. While those two were busy trying to empty the river bed the remaining two took down the Thor-a-Pult.

"Come on, children! It's lunch time!" Joked Jane.

The expected result came from both of them. "Awwwww." Thor swam to the riverbank but Darcy shouted "Five more minutes, please?"

"No. I'm hungry!"

They piled into the van. Erik was driving again with Jane was in the passenger's seat. Meanwhile Thor and Darcy were crammed in the back and taking turns playing all the apps on the iPod. At some point, Darcy lowered her voice and whispered something into Thor's ear.

"Are we there yet?" Both Thor and Darcy Shouted.

"NO!" snapped Jane. It was going to be one long ride.

* * *

 _ **Not too long ago swimming lessons actually went something like this (not Thor-a-Pults, though). Children and an older sibling or friend (or adult) would head down to a stream and stand on an over hanging plank or a rock. The older person would throw the younger one in and it was up to the student to kick around until he/she managed to get their head above water. Once they completed that task they would jump off the plank or rock by themselves.**_

 ** _I wanted to add the Hulk in this so Thor could be thrown but the Hulk never actually appeared in the Thor movie. Sad; that woul have made the movie so epic._**


	4. Thor and the Microwave

_**Soooo... based off the other chapters in this book you probably can foresee what's going to happen. But oh well.**_

 _ **And by the way, I noticed Thor is an incredibly fast learner compared to the movie Thors and the TV shows (mainly the Avengers Assemble). Probably could extend the chapter some (1000?) words and go through the process like a normal being but where's the fun in that?**_

 _ **OK, I'll stop typing these bold and italicized letters until the end.**_

* * *

Darcy and Jane stared into the little boxy electronic eagerly. Thor watched them with his head cocked, a half closed eye and an eyebrow up. The box made a whirring drone as a plate slowly pirouetted inside. Then the plate stopped and the box made a loud BEEP! making Thor jump (it's a wonder his head didn't smash through the ceiling).

"Popcorn's ready!" Shrieked Darcy. She yanked out a fat bag, cut it open and poured the yellow shapes into a bowl. Jane snatched up the bowl and took a handful of the stuff. Thor could have sworn they put in a flat paper folded into thirds. So where did that go? Maybe Jane and Darcy knew magic.

The girls skipped over to the couch and threw themselves onto it. They turned on the thing called the TV. Thor's eyes stung at the fast moving pictures. He didn't like the shows they watched. Jane had said they liked shows called American Ninja Warrior, Seinfeld, Dog With a Blog, and Justice League. Thor thought all of them were just stupidity at its best form except he did want to try the obstacle course on the ninja show.

He liked Erik's taste of TV shows better. Erik liked documentaries and nature programs. Speaking of Erik, he was somewhere with an organization called S.H.I.E.L.D. Something about a cube but honestly, Thor couldn't care less.

But whatever the three scientist watched, Thor usually stayed in his room and ate pop tarts.

However the kitchen had been cleaned from pop tarts and Jane said she'd go shopping tomorrow (so long as Thor didn't come).

Thor groaned. He had nothing to do and he couldn't read any of the books they had. Stupid Midgard languages. Their runes were so confusing. Not that he ever read any books back in Asgard. He needed something to do or he'd wreck the entire place out of boredom. If there was one thing on Midgard to compare Thor to, it would be a dog. If he wasn't mentally or physically challenged (mostly physically) in some way he got frustrated and went on a rampage. As for Loki, he was a nerd. Enough said.

He searched the kitchen and found a bag of marshmallows. After wrestling the bag (ended with an explosion) he gulped a few down like they were water.

Then he saw the box Jane and Darcy had been using earlier. It was open. Thor put a marshmallow in it and tried to spin the table inside. Nothing. So he pressed an outlined box on the side. He got three little beeps in a row.

Thor tried to remember what Jane did. Oh yeah, she closed the cover/door/side to the box. He shut it. Now what? His finger landed on a giant button to the low right corner. The door popped open. So it wasn't that button. Thor shut the door again. Now he pressed the stick (1) inside the black rectangle with rounded edges. The thing turned on. Thor yelped and leapt back.

"Quiet Thor!" Darcy said in a monotone.

He didn't hear her. Thor watched through the side of the box as the Lazy Susan spun around carelessly with the marshmallow. Then he noticed the marshmallow getting bigger and bigger. For a moment Thor thought of trying to pull it out but then again, he didn't know how to get inside.

 **POOF!** The marshmallow exploded. Thor lost it and doubled over laughing. "Thor!" Snapped Darcy.

Again Thor didn't hear her. 'Another!' Thought Thor. He remembered how to get inside the box and put another marshmallow in. That too blew up. So two more went in. Before he knew it he was out of marshmallows.

Disappointed, he opened the fridge and searched inside. He put a container of leftover soup in. It took longer for something to happen but 3 minutes later the soup and the container blew up.

Thor was having a great time! He put multiple foods in. Some blew to pieces, some just stayed they were. He learned that chocolate and butter just flattens, chicken eventually explodes, metal becomes soft, Darcy's iPod fries for life, sausage patties taste great, and bagels do nothing except spin.

Now he was putting a watermelon in. Then he had to wait forever. The watermelon wouldn't quit. Thor felt like giving up on it when all of a sudden his life flashed in front of his eyes. There was a huge explosion. All the fuses were tripped, cutting electricity. The TV shut off and the women whined. Darcy went to see what happened to the electric box while Jane came to inspect the burning smell.

What she saw made her scream like a six year old. Thor looked up and his smile disappeared. "I'm going to be spanked, correct?" He pondered aloud.  
"What the *****Censored. Sorry****** happened here?!" She wailed.

"I was bored," he answered honestly.

If it was possible, Jane would have had her head explode. "You. Are. The. **WORSTHOUSEGUESTIVEEVERHADTOSERVE! _EVER!_** "

"Forgive me," Thor mumbled and hung his head.

"Forgive you?! You've ruined everything! I've gone broke because of you! Why can't you do anything right for once!?"

Just then Darcy appeared. "All the fuses are blown. Some power outage we had. What the heck happened he- **MY IPOD!** " She flung herself forward and snatched up her iPod. "Whah…"

Feeling ashamed, Thor stood up and began to leave. "Just where do you think you're going, buster?" Snapped Jane.

"I was going to leave you alone. You need some time to cool down. And my name is Thor, not Buster."

Jane glared. "You are not going anywhere until this mess is cleaned. I'll get you the mop. And when you get the money, _Prince of Thunder_ , you can pay for everything!"

Thor spent the rest of his day cleaning. It wasn't fun. And he wasn't any servant! He was a prince; a born leader! Now here he was, doing servant's work!

As he swept he thought about everything he blew up. His favorite was the watermelon. But the marshmallow came close after. He wanted to do it again but the box was gone and in pieces surrounding his feet.

After mopping the floor Jane told him to wipe the counters. Not with his fingers and tongue but with a wet cloth. Midgardians took the 'fun' out of funny. Which just left an 'ny', which could be pronounced 'knee', abbreviated for New York, or be the first two letters for the words 'Nyah Nyah!' Definitely the last one.

Thor was still cleaning when Erik returned. He took one look at the little house, spun on his heel and left again. Whatever reason Erik had for not sticking around, it was probably a good one. Jane and Darcy followed. They were sick of seeing the mess and wanted to get away from Thor.

The broom swept out one last marshmallow. Thor grinned. He put it in the oven and pressed the buttons.

When Jane, Darcy and Erik returned from eating out the oven was on fire and Thor stared at it blankly. Screaming and shouting filled the air and everyone panicked. Except Thor who stood completely still, saying nothing.

Erik went for the fire extinguisher. He killed the fire and threw the extinguisher out. Then the three surround the Thunderer, glaring. "Spill it. How did that happen?" Jane snapped.

"Fire Demon. Came here. Began to light everything to fire." No one believed him.

"Go to your room!"

"I'm not a child, Lady Jane."

Jane grabbed a kitchen fork and chased Thor to his room. When he realized he's been tricked Thor let out a wail. He had just been chased by a lady with a fork! Stupid Midgard!

The scientist later found out marshmallow goo had dropped through the grates in the stove and blocked some vital parts. The oven overloaded and went to fire.  
As for Thor, his punishment was no pop tarts for the next week. It was terrible torture.

Yet the explosions didn't stop. Jane returned from the market to find the toaster burning and in pieces. And Thor was nowhere in sight. But the splattered food around the kitchen gave the whole story.

 _ **"THHOOOORRR!"**_

* * *

 _ **Yep, Thor's back in trouble with Jane. And yep, I had to crack the 'Another!' joke in there.**_

 ** _Having trouble with more Midgard objects for Thor to discover. Based off this chapter, he already knows what the TV is and I don't think giving him the car keys would end well for anyone (especially Jane who'll have a huge dept to pay off to her insurance (at least I hope she has insurance considering the way she drives in Thor 1)). _**

**_Another thought; should I have Thor switch to the Avengers and extend his time with the Avengers just so he can discover more of the Midgard tech? Or should he stay with Jane in the dead zone of the first Thor?_**


	5. Thor and the Cookies

_**Warning: This story is about baking. More info after story.**_

* * *

Norse gods were weird. Or at least this one. Right now Jane was staring with her mouth open as Thor played with the fridge door. Why he found it so entertaining was beyond her.

Jane was preparing to cook some cookies and Thor was (supposedly) going to help. She had just asked him to look for eggs in the kitchen. Thor was stunned when the cubicle gave off its own frozen air. He shut it and opened it again. Then he repeated the cycle.

Grumbling, Jane pushed past him and snatched up the egg carton. "Come on, big guy. Let's get cooking."

"I am not doing servants work," Thor said.

This whole week has been terrible and Jane was not in the mood for Thor's Prince-life recalls. She whipped around on her heel and slapped his face. "You're on Earth. Act like you like it here." She handed Thor a fork. "Crush up the butter in the bowl."

Thor did as he was told. He did his best to resist eating some of the greasy yellow stick. The whole thing would have been consumed by now if it weren't for Jane watching him like a hawk. Once he was done she handed him a cup full of sugar. "Now put that in."

Jane decided it would be best if she measured out the ingredients as Thor did exactly as she said. Of course, being who he was he got away with eating some of the batter.  
Now it was time for the eggs. "We need to crack eggs like this," said Jane as she demonstrated how to crack an egg against the counter and pour the yolk and whites in the bowl. "Can you do that?"

"Why not just like this?" Thor palmed an egg and death-gripped it. The egg cracked and oozed all over his hand.

"Thor! Can't you do something right for once!" Wailed Jane. Thor took a second egg and cracked it against the counter. Too hard. The second egg's insides went onto the floor.

"Oops," said Thor.

"That's it. I'm doing it," grumbled Jane. Stupid Norse guy. She took the second egg and cracked it perfectly. Thor watched her then tried it with a third egg. He managed to crack it right. Then he crushed the egg and allowed the yolk and whites the fall into the bowl.

"Perfect!" Jane cheered. Her happiness was short lived. Thor dropped the eggshell in the bowl too. "Dang it Thor! Can't you do something right for once?!"

"Didn't you just say that?"

"You hang around Darcy way too much." Taking the stirring fork Jane scooped out all the eggshells. "Why don't you go and take a walk around the town?"

"But I want to help!"

"You said this was servant's work," reminded Jane.

"I did not know it was so much fun," retorted Thor.

So now to add in the rest of the liquid ingredients. Jane would never be sure if Thor didn't have a steady hand or he didn't get the concept of being careful. Either way the newly bought vanilla container was entirely empty by the time there was exactly a teaspoon in the batter. Jane also noticed the batter was getting smaller and smaller. "Thor did you eat the batter?"

"Never Lady Jane!"

'Yeah right,' thought Jane. Yet she let him pour the flour, baking soda and salt in (she would have let him do it but after what happened to the vanilla it was confirmed Thor wouldn't measures out any ingredients).

An hour and a half of yelling from Jane's side and smiling from Thor's they had mixed together all the batter. But the last step was to put in the chocolate chips. Jane wondered if she should kick Thor out of the kitchen. Eh, maybe he'd be okay with measuring out chips. A few extra couldn't hurt right?

"Thor, here." She handed him the 1 cup measure and pulled out the chocolate chip bag. Something felt weird about it. Thor's eyes widened at the sight of it. If his smile couldn't get any bigger it just did.

Jane peeked in the bag. There were no more chocolate chips. Just a two pound weight. "What the?!" Her eyes shot to glare at Thor. "Did you eat these?!"

"No," said Thor.

"Don't lie or I'm calling you Loki instead."

"But I like my name!"

"Then tell me! Did you eat these?"

"Not on my own. Our friends who have travelled to a place called Em-Eye-Tee today for something helped me."

"You mean to tell me that Erik and Darcy helped you eat these?!"

"Precisely. Erik made a food called Chocolate Syrup and Darcy opened a bag full of chips. When I return home I will pass the recipe to the cooks!"

Jane's hand flew up to her forehead. "Now I'll need to buy more chocolate chips! And I just bought that bag!"

"Sorry," muttered Thor. "You do have that thin square with the black strip."

"Keep the credit card out of this."

Thor went back to sulking. Then his smile returned. "I have a great idea!"

"Please tell me it doesn't have to do something with pop tarts."

"Awww…" Thor's smile disappeared.

Jane looked at the cookie batter. It was partially gone. "******" she shouted. "Thor! You aren't supposed to eat the cookie batter!"

"But it look-"

"No buts! I don't have enough ingredients to make another batch thanks to you!" Thor didn't look too fazed by her yelling. Frustrated, Jane ran off and bounded into her car where she drove to who-knows-where.

Thor felt bad. He just made Jane run away from him. Feeling as though he was in debt with her be flipped through the recipe book. Maybe there was something else he could make. When none of the recipes appealed to him Thor threw it in the trash and opened the fridge. He pulled out any leftovers in the fridge. Then he emptied the spice cabinet. He tasted each of the spices, placing the ones that tasted awful back in.

Finally he had all the ingredients he thought would make a fine meal. Thor opened a stick of butter and smashed it up in the bowl like Jane made him do. He rummaged through the silverware drawer and found the largest knife he could get his hands on. He used that to chop up the carrots and chicken. Those went into the bowl followed by some thin worms with sauce. Next went a giant splash of milk. Then pineapple, a spoonful of Vegemite, bananas with the skin still on, half a bag of flour, some number of spinach leaves, two Thor-handfuls of white chocolate chips and a pop tart.

Now for the spices. In went half a bottle of garlic, cinnamon, cloves, paprika, ground mustard, nutmeg, and ginger. He mashed everything together and stirred it around with a fork.

Then he tried it. It was terribly bitter. "Maybe it needs more pop tarts," Thor said. He threw on the remaining pop tarts (except one which went into his mouth). Then he found the sugar and dumped that in. This servant stuff was a blast!

When everything was mixed together Thor tested it. He thought it tasted delicious. So he grabbed the cookbook out of the trash can. He opened to the same page Jane had been looking at earlier. It told him to roll them in ball shaped pieces and put them on a pan. Thor found a pan that looked like the one in the picture. He copied the instructions.

According to the book he had to cook the dough. But the microwave was exploded and the toaster was toast. That left the oven.

Not sure what to do Thor began pressing the buttons on the top. Eventually it read 250*C (482*F! (Who knew an oven was capable of reaching that high?)) Although it wasn't the number in the book he figured he'd get the same result. He put the pan in and are whatever he didn't use (except the spices. Those went back to the cupboard).  
"Now what?" Thor asked himself as he nibbled on the chicken, the jug of milk in one hand. He read the rest of the instruction. 'Bake for 20-30 minutes or until golden brown.' Shrugging Thor continued eating.

About 20 minutes later he figured they had enough time to cook. He reached in and gripped the pan. "Yipes!" Thor helped. Why was the thing so hot? He needed something to use to get the pan. Too bad Loki wasn't here. Loki would just levitate the pan and put it where he wanted it. But of course, being Thor, he hadn't paid any attention to magical studies.

Leaving the oven door open he retrieved a pair of Jane's socks. They worked perfectly! Thor whooped at the little round circles. He ate one. It was crunchy and a bit carboned. Just like he liked it. Thor couldn't wait for his friends to return home.

Eventually Erik and Darcy returned. "Jane are you making cookies?!" Darcy squealed.

"My friends!" Thor welcomed. "How does you?"

"We're good Thor," Erik said. "Where Jane?"

"She ran off. Was mad at me about something."

Darcy loped to the kitchen. "She DID make cookies! Ohmigosh they smell great! Only…" she inspected a cookie. "What are they made of?"

Before Thor could answer Darcy bit into the cookie. "Bleach! What the heck?! What are these things? They taste like…" she turned to Thor. "You added pop tarts didn't you?"

"Verily!" Thor said proudly.

"Wow," said Darcy slowly. "Err, I think I'll go outside for a bit." Darcy skipped outside. Erik picked up a cookie and ate it. He forced it down his throat.

"These. Taste. Really. Good…" Erik tried to sound as enthusiastic as he could. Luckily for him, Thor fell for it.

"Hooray!" Cheered the Norse God. "Lady Jane will love these!"

"Yes, I'm sure she will." Again Thor missed the sarcasm. Erik went outside to join Darcy who was chugging some pineapple juice. From their point of view, the cookies were way over cooked and too sweet. Not only that but the bitterness from the spices didn't make it any better.

When Jane arrived she saw the three chilling outside. "Please tell me everything's okay in there and nothing is going to explode once I sort inside."  
"Try a cookie!" Thor squawked and handed her one of the cookies. Jane tried it.

"Darcy! Did you make these?"

"No I did!"

"Oh, er, sorry Thor." Jane forced the rest of the cookie down. "For someone that doesn't cook know how to cook you did a very good job." She hurried inside.

Thor smiled. "I am a good cook! Hooray!"

"You hang around Darcy way too much," pointed out Erik.

Suddenly from inside they heard a scream. "You cleaned out the entire fridge?!"

"You said you didn't like any leftovers." Thor retorted back.

"I didn't mean clean out the entire fridge! Wait-YOU TOTALED THE OVEN?"

Thor gulped. "Oopsies."

 _ **"THHOOOORRR!"**_

Jane came out with a fork and chased the laughing Norse God around the town.

* * *

 _ **Continued warning: DO NOT COOK LIKE THOR! I have no idea what the consequences are nor what it taste like but it's probably wise to keep it as a mystery.**_

 _ **As for Jane and Thor, you can try to cook cookies from this story but there's really no measurements. However, the ingredients are tried and true.**_

 _ **Well Thor's totaled the entire kitchen. What more destruction could he cause?**_

 _ **By the way, I noticed this story was exactly 95 words away from 2000 words. Apparently each of these stories is getting longer and longer...**_

 _ **Another disclaimer: All rights to Marvel. Don't own anything.**_


	6. Thor and the Electric Toothbrush

_**What? Thor vs. electric stuff is fun to write!**_

* * *

Jane was annoyed. Thor never brushed his teeth and his breath was terrible. Maybe it was because he didn't pack his own toothbrush. So she decided to go to the store and buy one for him. Unfortunately, she had to bring Thor along with her.

Surprisingly, Thor obeyed when they walked through the store. He sang a song he heard from one of those sample CD song things (what are those actually called?). While it kept him entertain it annoyed Jane right out of her skull.

Finally she shouted "Thor! Stop singing 'All About That Bass'! You don't even know what the song actually means!"

"So?"

"So stop singing."

Thor laughed. "Lady Jane. You must work on your convincing skills. Even Sleipnir could convince better than you!"

"Great to know…"

When they arrived at the checkout, Thor insisted on making the click. Jane let him slide her credit card and sign his name. This time, he just wrote 'Thor'. Then Jane shoved him out the store and drove home.

Once home she gave him the electric toothbrush. "Here," she said. "This is for you."

"Thank you, my lady," Thor said. He tore open the package and examined the brush. "What is it?"

"What is it?! Are you crazy?! It's a toothbrush!"

"A what?"

"A toothbrush! Please tell me you know what a toothbrush is."

Thor shook his head. Jane sighed and explained to him what the toothbrush was and what it's purpose was for. Again Thor didn't understand. "Why must I comb my teeth with this tiny hairbrush?"

Jane felt like kicking him. "No no no! You clean your teeth with it!"

Thor scowled. "I know how to clean my teeth! I don't need this!"

"Oh yeah? Show me!"

Jane and Thor headed outside where Thor spent the next fifteen minutes looking for three sticks and a tree. In the end Jane had to drive him to the same place they went swimming. Thor found his sticks. He stripped the bark off the sticks. Next he peeled off some of the bark from the tree and dipped one of the sticks in the sap leaking from the side.

To Jane's horror, Thor bit down on the stick with the sap. He gnawed at it until it was soft. He tossed that one aside and put another in his mouth. Jane felt like puking.

When Thor was done softening the sticks with his saliva, he headed to the river and drank some water. He came back all happy.

"See?"

"That's not how you brush your teeth!" Jane shrieked. "Let me show you how."

Back to the little house they went. Jane buttered her own electric toothbrush and brushed her teeth the way the 21st century brushed theirs. "Now you try!" She handed Thor the electric toothbrush they bought today.

Thor tried. He choked on the toothpaste and spewed it onto the ground. " ** _Bleaugh!_** What the Nidavalir is that stuff?!"

"It's toothpaste," Jane answered, wondering why she had to put up with such a weirdo. She began to clean up the floor. "It helps kill germs and makes your breath better."

"Well it tastes awful!"

"You're not supposed to eat it!"

"I didn't."

For the next hour Jane tried to teach Thor how to brush his teeth Midgard style. Thor honestly couldn't care less. Finally Jane gave up. She went downstairs to bake something. Baking and science always took her mind of stressful things.

Thor turned on the brush. 'Whiiirrrrrr' moaned the little handheld object. Since this was pretty useless, he wondered what else he could use it for. He touched the spinning pokey things with his finger. It didn't feel like much.

Next he tried running it across his head. It didn't work well as a comb. In fact, it made his hair worse. Thor fixed his hair by running his fingers through it. No way was he going to let a little Midgard object give him a rat's nest!

So now he ran it down his arm. Near the elbow it set off a reaction, tickling Thor. An idea struck the God. He could use this on Loki! His brother would never expect a simple little thing to be such a nuisance! Wait, he could use it on Jane since she was always unhappy (yes, Thor is oblivious to why Jane is constantly mad).

Thor soon learned the little thing was good for thousands of things. He could use it to clean off the dust off the bureau in his room. Or he could use it to clean the whole house (since Jane kept complaining how dusty it was). Or for his own entertainment, he could use it to fling toasty 'o's across the table. Those things never tasted good anyway and Thor always wondered why Jane loved eating them in the morning.

He was halfway through cleaning the house with it when Jane check on him. She drew in her breath to scream at him but changed her mind. "You know what? I'm done using my voice on you for the week." She headed back into the kitchen. Thor followed eagerly, her words going in one ear and out the other.  
Jane continued baking. Thor watched, his tongue hanging out. He asked if he could help but Jane denied it. After all, she had just replaced her oven. As she cut herself a piece of plastic wrap to cover the bowl with the mixture, she said "Make yourself useful and clean this oven top."

Thor grinned. "As you wish!" He turned on the toothbrush and used it to scrub the oven, along with the squishy thing called a sponge that Jane gave him. Jane watched as Thor 'brushed' not just the stove top, but the front and inside as well. It made her want to puke. Again.

"You do know what that's really for. Right..?" She asked nervously. Had she just spent $15 on something that wouldn't be used properly?

"Of course!" Shouted Thor. "It is for cleansing the teeth!" Jane sighed. Good. He knew what it was for. "But I dislike putting it in my mouth. It tastes terrible!"

Now her eyes widened. "Tastes? I know it kind of has a plastic-y taste, but it shouldn't be terrible."

"It tastes like the contents from the body."

Jane's jaw dropped. "Are you… ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" She turned on her heel to face Thor. "DID YOU USE IT ON THE TOILET?!" She screamed in his face.

"You always complain about your quarters being dusty. I wanted to make you happy. Your always shouting ('mostly at me,' thought Thor) so I was trying to make you happy." Jane's face was red and steam poured out of her ears. "I see it did not work."

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

Thor nodded but he wanted a taste of the cookie dough. And Jane had already made a nice round ball of dough. Funny enough, it was clear. He quickly grabbed the ball and swallowed it. It tasted horrible!

 ** _"THHOOOORRR!"_** Squawked Jane. "That's plastic wrap!" She chased him into the trash can. Then she ran away screaming all kinds of words that made no sense.

Thor grumbled. You could never make a woman happy. He decided to try and make her happy another way. Pocketing the toothbrush, he headed into her office and began reading through her science notes. She had some charts about his galaxy but they were mostly wrong. Thor decided he should fix her mistakes.

But first, he wanted to dust her new computer with his new electric thingy.

* * *

 ** _Next week: What Thor does in the science room while Jane disappears for the plot of the story._**

 ** _Sorry if I made you puke at the end. :P_**

 ** _In truth, during Thor's time, people didn't brush their teeth. I made Thor go back in the past and chew the sticks like the cavemen (and women) used to do. No, seriously, people used to brush their teeth by chewing sticks and sap. Or they used charcoal instead of sap. Isn't today's way of brushing teeth much better?_**

 ** _Another disclaimer. Just cause: Don't own Marvel, don't own the unknown company (probably Oral B) of the electric toothbrush, don't own 'All About That Bass,' and don't own the unknown company of Jane's new oven or computer. But mostly, don't own the company of the plastic wrap._**


	7. Thor and the Science Notes of Jane

**_Dang limited chapter name characters. Full name of this chapter is Thor and the Science Notes of Jane (and then some)_**

 ** _Sorry for skipping a week! Didn't really get around to writing this until today._**

 _ **If (for some reason) you haven't read last week's story it might be a good idea since this is the follow up. Or just read the summery underneath.**  
Jane went to the store to buy Thor a toothbrush. However Thor proved to her he knows perfectly how to brush his teeth and used the electric toothbrush as something else. He frustrated Jane (again) and wanders into her science lab in hopes to get away from the Jane monster. He discovers her note about his galaxy and is pleased of what she has but they're off. Now Thor wants to help Jane by correcting her notes for her.  
_

* * *

Thor rummaged through the office. He found extra paper and some writing tools. His favorite was the skinny stick that dropped ink.

As he wrote on the papers he couldn't help but think of home. How much he wished to go back. Thor scribbled over what she had written with the true stuff. Of course he was bored by all this writing and Jane pretty much had everything wrong about his world. It was almost as if she didn't study at all!

When his hand got a cramp Thor took a break and browsed the bookshelf in the room. He saw one that said Norse Mythology. Quickly he pulled it out. He flipped through the pages. Did Jane write this? Cause it sounded all wrong! Everything in this book was completely wrong! Laufey wasn't a girl, the book forgot the 'a' in Frigga, Sleipnir was birthed by Loki?! And Odin was called-wait wait, Odin had a bunch of nicknames? Hehe now Thor could call him whatever he wanted. He read through them and quickly memorized them all. Then he flipped to the part about himself.

Apparently he had goats called Tanngnjost and Tanngrisi. He could kill them to eat then bring them back to life and repeat. He was also the rule of a realm Thrudvang. It was a prison. Thor scowled and slapped the book shut. He went back to fixing Jane's notes.

Jane hummed to herself as she went outside and tended to her withering garden. Stupid New Mexico deserts. The only thing that grew in the garden were the cacti! She had used all sorts of Plat growing chemicals. But no matter what she did nothing ever happened. It was almost like Thor came out here and destroyed her crops.

Speaking of Thor where was he? Jane hadn't heard a peep (or crash) from him since three hours ago when he ate the plastic wrap instead of cookie dough. Jane decided it would be best not to question his whereabouts. She went back to her gardening, not the slight bit aware that Thor was in the mood for smashing the Norse Mythology book with a plastic Mjӧlnir he shoplifted from a store.

Darcy and Erik drove in. They were discussing something about college tuitions. When they saw Jane quietly tending to her dead plants they figured she must have some free time from Thor.

The two entered the house, expecting to see a totally wrecked house. To their surprise the house was in good condition and Thor was nowhere to be found. Both began to search the house expecting to find a mess.

It was Darcy who found Thor. He was intently reading the book of Norse Mythology. Darcy cringed. How many of the tails in there were actually accurate? She hoped Thor wouldn't go insane.

Thor glanced up. "Good day, Darcy! How do you fair?"

"Um, good?" she replied. It was hard to know exactly how to reply to a Norse Prince. "What are you reading?"

"The mortal's stories about Asgardians are very strange They tell of man things I have never heard of." He flipped the book around to show a picture of Laufey. "For example, King Laufey of Jӧtunheim is a girl! What trickery is this?!"

"None," was the best Darcy could answer. "Us 'mortals' have never been to Asgard before so they just guess what's happening up there."

"Well then they are very good guessers for half of these stories are correct."

"Awesome."

"But tell me, who is this scroll keeper? I shall like to have a word with him and tell him the true tales of our world. And the fact that he has Ragnarӧk all planned out."

"Uhhh… scroll keeper?"

"Yes the person who writes the prophecies."

"That would be Jane," Darcy said quickly without thinking. She regretted it right after.

Thor frowned. "I should have known!" He showed Darcy Jane's theory papers. "I have been correcting them for her!"

"By writing over them?"

"That was a mistake."

Suddenly Darcy snatched the papers out of Thor's hands. "Hey!" Thor shouted.

"I'm gonna show Jane your MARVEL-ous work!"

"Then I shall clean your room with this Midgardian tool!" Thor threatened by holding up the toothbrush.

Darcy froze. "Did you use that in your mouth?"

"And everywhere else in the house except yours and Selvig's room."

"You beast!" Darcy flung herself at Thor and made an attempt to steal the toothbrush from him. Thor calmly stood in place and extended his hand straight up. No matter what Darcy did to take the toothbrush, Thor kept it right out of reach.

Finally she leapt onto a chair and flew at him. She knocked him over and the brush fell from his hand. Thor kicked her off and reclaimed his electronic.

"Don't clean my room with that thing!"

"Then don't show Jane I wrote on her notes!"

"Why's that a problem?"

"You have no idea." Suddenly, Thor grinned. "Go outside and visit Jane and say 'I'm worthy of iPods!' to her."

"Why? And no?"

"Because if you don't I'll use the brush."

So Darcy went outside and said "I'm worth of iPods."

"Good for you," Jane said without looking up. Darcy sulked away.

"There I did it! Happy?"

"Errr.. No. Bring me to the place you call Target and help me buy twenty boxes of pop tarts."

"No." Thor shrugged and began walking towards Darcy's room, toothbrush in hand.

Soon Darcy was doing whatever Thor commanded her to do and Thor was loving it. Why use a mind control spell when you can just threaten someone with the little electronic?

When Darcy and Thor left for Target Jane couldn't care less. Then it struck her. "Oh no…" She ran inside to find her notes sprawled all over the floor and little runes written across them. The page was so full she couldn't read anything she had written.

 _ **"#%%^$ &^%& THOOOOOOOORRRR!"**_

* * *

 ** _Because what's a Thor and the Midgard Objects story without a screaming Jane at the end?_**

 ** _Odin was actually called multiple names. Ygg (The Awful), Gadnrad (He Who Determines Victories), Herjan (God of Battles), Har (The High One), Jafnhar (Even as High), Baleyg (One With Flaming Eyes), and another handful._**

 ** _And yes, Thor had two goats that pulled him in a chariot. Then he could kill them and eat them and then revive them. Yep. Norse Mythology (correction all mythology) has some weird stories._**

 ** _Had some help form a book called Norse Mythology: Legends of Gods and Heroes by Peter Andreas Munch. Don't own any partnership with it nor anything with Marvel._**


	8. Warning! Update!

_**Hey all. Due to some recent happenings around here I've lost quite a bit of my humorous side. So Thor and the Midgard Objects will be paused until everything returns to normal.**_

 _ **However! I started a story beforehand and I'm going to keep posting it weekly just like this story. It's called Switcharoo and it will hopefully have a better story line than The Second Age of Ultron (that thing needs a reboot already). Hope you enjoy it!**_


	9. Thor and theYou'll Have to Find Out

_**I don't own Marvel or an partnership with it.**_

* * *

Jane usually never shops at Costco. She finds it so overwhelming and intimidating and most of the food boxes don't fit in her tiny kitchen. And yet somehow she managed to feed all three scientist and a Demi-God.

However now that it was fall, Jane had a extremely hectic schedule. She barely had time for rest and food. Since Darcy was back in college and Erik was in New York City it was up to Thor to do all the cooking. Nothing bad seemed to come out of it. He just over portioned. Within two weeks he had cleaned out the cabinet.

So on her day off, Jane decided to go to Costco. But she had to bring Thor with her. Jane almost considered stopping by a pet shop and buying a dog leash.  
"Thor, if you do anything wrong I will never ever buy you pop tarts for as long as you are here!" She threatened.

"But Darcy alloweth me useth that lady credit card," Thor said.

"She WHAT?!" Jane scowled. "When Darcy gets back I'm gonna give her the beating of her life."

They entered Costco. Jane had Thor hang on to the cart the whole time. Surprisingly he didn't run away and he turned out to be pretty useful. He could lift all the heavy objects and reach the items above her head.

As Jane was fumbling around the back end of Costco for bread she heard someone call for her. "Jane!"

Jane turned to see who it was. "Acala! Oh my goodness I haven't seen you in years!" She and the other woman embraced each other. Thor blinked, unsure what to say. Jane then released the strange woman.

"Is that your boyfriend?" Gasped the other woman.

"Oh him? No he's just a friend who's waiting to raise some more money to buy a plane ticket home."

Thor scowled. "My lady, I await Heim-" Jane slapped her hand over Thor's mouth.

"Aha-heh, Acala, this is Thor Sonivodin, Thor, this is my friend from college Acala Wheatly."

Acala grinned. "You sure he's not your boyfriend?"

"Why? What would make you say that?" Jane tried to look innocent but she was doing a horrible job. Thor thought that Volstagg did better looking innocent when he ate something he wasn't supposed to. "Um, Thor. Why don't you go find the rye bread?"

"Tis a fine idea!" Thor skipped off.

He found the rye bread in no time. If this was supposed to be a hunting game, Jane didn't hide the bread very well. Thor brought it back and placed it in the cart. Jane and Acala were deep in conversation. Thor stood there for a moment, wondering if Jane would praise him. When a full minute passed he decided she was too busy and went off to discover the objects of Midgard.

It wasn't very long before he saw something that intrigued him. It looked like what the scientist trio called a "bike" except that it had fat "pedals" and one wheel in the back. Confused, Thor stood on it. The thing began to move. Thor pressed down on one of the fat pedals, causing the bike to move again. He repeated this, alternating which way he shifted his weight.

Unfortunately it was taking a lot of work to move it. Thor put more than enough effort and eventually something snapped and the crank disengaged from the wheel. Stealthily, Thor scampered off it and went over to another machine.

This one had a two platform bed with a weight suspended above. Thor picked up the weight. Mortals were weak. This thing was so easy to lift! Then he realized he was just lifting 10 pounds.

He saw four 25 pound weights on the ground. Thor replaced the 5 pounds with 50 on each side. And yet it was still no problem to lift. Geez, mortals were really weak!

SNAP! The bar snapped in half in his hand. "Oopsies," Thor said and he put the snapped bar parts on the bed thing.

There was one more machine he still had yet to check out. This one looked like the thing that served the food to the mortals called cashiers. It was quite a bit bigger than the ones the cashiers used but still.

He stood on it. In front of him was a fairly small control panel. Of course, being Thor, he had no idea what it did so he began pressing random buttons. Eventually he turned it on. Thor tapped more buttons. One of them made the belt jerk backwards and he fell off it.

A mortal machine could not beat a god! Thor got back on and began walking on it to stay in one place. It turned out it was an extremely slow walk. So he began to wonder if he could speed it up.

Thor saw an up arrow. He pressed it and the converter belt started moving a little faster. Again and again he pressed it until he was at a brisk walk. So he pressed it again. Suddenly he tripped and was flung off the back.

Determined to show that he would not be defeated by the machine Thor got back on and resumed to a jog. He kept pressing the button until he was at a slow running pace. Unfortunately the machine had run out of levels but Thor didn't know that. He pressed he button again and when nothing changed he continued to press it.

Suddenly his hand smashed through the panel. Thor glanced around to see if anyone was looking. He suddenly realized he had no idea where Jane was. What he did remember was that he knew where she was near the rye bread. All he had to do was find the rye bread again and from there he could find Jane.

Thor began strolling through the aisles. He searched high and low for the rye bread. But like always something distracted him. And that someone was another man.

" 'scuse sir. Do you know where the rye bread is?" Said some guy with black hair and weird green eyes. He was also wearing green and Thor felt like he had seen this person.

"Merit. Lest I be searching for the rye bread too!" Thor beamed.

"I'm sorry sir, I don't understand what you said."

Thor didn't hear the guy. Instead he was trying to figure out why he felt like he was having déjà vu. "Pray telleth, wherefore doth thee behold so familiar?"

"What?" Said the guy. But Thor suddenly put two and two together and realizing he knew the man's voice he was able to track down who it was.

"Loki!" Thor roared. "What art thee doing hither? And how's father and mother?"

The man changed into Thor's little brother. "Looks like you get better at guessing," he said with an evil smirk. "And-"

Before Loki could finish Deadpool popped up from the floor. "Thor, Loki ain't gonna tell you what your parents are up to until you're in prison."

"What?" Both Thor and Loki asked, one sounding enraged the other sounding like it was the best day of his life.

"Uhhh…nothing! Just doing my usual wall breaking! Byeeeee!" Deadpool went back through the floor.

Loki looked at his brother. "Well that was weird."

"Indeed." Thor suddenly let out a growl and he and Loki began to fight. They threw all the giant packages of food at each other. Thor even got the nerve to dissemble part of the shelf and use it as a weapon. He managed to gut Loki with the weapon, making his little brother fly across Costco and into the aisles on the other side.

Seconds later Thor was bombed by boxes of fish and bags of dog food. Seizing the nearest item (it happened to be rye bread!) he threw it back and hit Loki smack in the head. Thor dashed across the store and slammed Loki into the boxes of Cheerios.

Loki teleported away. He ended up by the book section. Not even caring that they were books he threw some at Thor. Then he used his magic to shoot die cast Star Wars toys at his brother.

Thor suddenly remembered the machines he had used earlier. Grabbing a box of Honey Nut Cheerios he lead Loki towards them. The conveyor belt was still running. Thor dumped the Cheerios on the belt. They shot off and hit Loki everywhere.

Growling Loki grabbed a turkey and put it on one side of the bed. Then he used his magic on the 200 pound barbell and dropped it on the opposite side. The turkey flew through the air and landed right on Thor's head.

"Uh oh. Forsooth I has't hath lost mine sight inside this bird of predator!" Thor flailed around helplessly and Loki screamed with laughter.

"Thor you're hilarious!" Squealed Loki. Thor popped the bird off his head and ran to the vitamin section. He belted cans at Loki. Loki unscrewed one of the tops and dumped a bunch of gummies on Thor.

So the thunder god took a bottle of airborne. Clenching it tightly he headed towards the giant jugs of water. Then he dumped the water on Loki and poured the airborne on top.

"What the..? THOR!"

"Heheh," Thor giggled. "Thee doth knoweth I knoweth thy weakness, right? Thee should see thy visage."

"Fiddlesticks and pythons!" Wailed Loki. "You always ruin everything!" He stormed towards the door and pushed against it. It didn't move. Loki tried again. Still nothing. So he used as hard as he could against the bar. The door finally swung open and Loki fell on his face.

BRRRRIIINNNNGGG! The fire alarm also went off and so did the sprinklers. Thor watched as people screamed and ran for various doors. He wondered where Jane was and what she was up to. Maybe he should wait for her here.

When nearly everyone had left Costco Thor decided to just head outside and see if Jane was there. Sure enough, there she was. Slopping wet Jane Foster. Jane looked like she was going to explode. Again.

"My lady, what troubles you?" Thor inquired.

Jane sighed. A large smile appeared on her face. "Oh nothing at all! I mean it's not like you just destroyed one of the most well spoken placed in the world."

Thor have a large smile. "Valorous thou art not mad!"

Jane growled. "You are a terrible person, Thor. You are so blind to everything!"

"I don't understandeth."

"AAAUUUUGGGHHHH!" Jane smashed her rye bread against the ground. "You are a piece of work!"

Suddenly Deadpool appeared from the ground again. "Wait for it…" he said to Thor.

"THHOOOORRR! This is all your ******** fault!"

Deadpool grinned. "Told ya."

"Told me what?"

"Never mind." Deadpool and Thor shrugged and watched Jane throw a tantrum. They weren't the only ones. Almost every other shopper from Costco stared at the lady having a fit.

"Man I love this," said Thor. He went back into Costco and heated up some popcorn by opening one of the microwaves and plugged it in where the exercise equipment was. One he was finished he brought it out and he and Deadpool enjoyed the scene.

* * *

 ** _I don't own Star Wars, Lucasfilms or any partnership. And big thanks to Shmoop for letting me use their Shakespeare Translator._**

 ** _Also, I just want to throw Deadpool in there for no reason besides breaking his favorite wall. And Loki. And this is just a redo of the first chapter._**

 ** _Actually it's more of the first chapter of this story mixed with an idea of the Winter Soldier trying to figure out what Tony's exercise equipment does._**

 ** _So I'm dead on ideas for this. I think this might be the end of this story. However! This story is up for adoption for a week. If no one wants to continue it in the the next week it's done for good. So yeah :)_**

 ** _Surprisingly the rye bread played a large role in this chapter. Even I didn't see that coming. But it seems to tie together pretty well. And I'm also surprised Jane hasn't gone insane after all this (or maybe she has)._**

 ** _If you want something to look forward to, in three days will be December 1st (Oh my freaking Norse God, REALLY?!) I've decided to do something like an advent calendar of chapters. In other words, one chapter a day for 25 days (yay!)_**

 ** _Ok I'll shut up now. Hope you like this chapter!_**


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